I dwell and knead

I’m doing what has been dubbed procrasta-baking. I’m not sure if she came up with it—in fact, I’m sure she did not—but the first time I heard this term was at the end of a fall semester course that could only be considered fluff. Archaeological Myths and Mysteries was a very enjoyable class, but one that is mostly used as a filler to complete humanities requirements. I took it because I was truly interested, it was my senior year, and I was unable to take an independent study…a story for another time.

As I handed her the alien-headed gingerbread man, explaining that I made them instead of working on our final paper (not due quite yet), she said, “Oh! Awesome, procrasta-baking. I love it!” I realized how transparent I was. Even this classmate—at least ten years my junior—saw my tactics before I did. Worse, I was behaving like a kid!

The real problem, of course, was not that I was older and should know better, or that she was young or being like her was bad; the problem was that I was in denial. I was also being petty, since I simply did not like this girl: she was loud and obnoxious and tried too hard to be ‘weird’ in order to get attention…she was too much like me when I was her age.

I have since been able to enjoy her company and accept my provocative youth and more moderate adulthood. I have not yet been able to stop the procrasta-baking. I have already devoted an entire post to procrastination.

This is the redux.

A major contributor to my avoidance is the overwhelming number of issues that need to be addressed. Not the ones about craft, course details, formatting papers and manuscripts, ways and places to submit fiction or the many other topics related to actually writing, getting into college or doing well in college. Not only the ones about learning development, education systems, costs, teacher-student relationships or teaching/learning techniques. It’s the ones about education inequality, sexism in schools of all levels, mental health needs in schools, and the broad, sweeping injustices that are facing us at every turn.

I can’t get the injustices out of my mind—in America and the world—that may not appear to be related to education. It’s clouding my ability to follow my writing/education topics list. Yes, there are young women standing up at graduation and calling out their legislators. Yes, there are journalists and podcasts covering and addressing rape, racism, and depression. There is also an overwhelming certainty that there are so many stories being ignored or given only a single sentence in the news. The world is overwhelmingly covered in a blanket of tension and cliff edges.

Overwhelmed…

Sometimes all you can do is cook, clean, or run to the gym. That’s where I’m at. That’s where I might have to stay for a while. That means I may need to, once again, divert from The Second Star’s Study original plan and shift to issues that plague us…plague me. I truly believe there are very few things that are not related to mental health and education. I believe those two things are so closely related; I do not understand how that can be ignored.

I hope my fixation will become contagious. Maybe it will keep the conversation growing. A very few in government are beginning to realize these connections and its urgency. No movement outside non-profits and special outreach organizations has been achieved.

So, if anyone wants to join me in some cherry pie, I’ll be plotting my next baking project as a way to not bang my head against a wall while constructing a new organization in my head to force change.

May Nerd-dom abound!

Katrina Pavlovich